I'm extremely exhausted from a night of baby sitting. Today I helped a close friend with their baby boy who's two. My friend who is pregnant had a wedding to attend and was really stressed with the idea of taking her two girls and her son on a plane ride to California. I volunteered to do this because I knew it wouldn't be a big deal and it wasn't. It just taught me a few things about myself that I hope to prepare for. From this experience I realized that I'm a lunatic because of how often I woke up to check on him. I was so paranoid that if I didn't hear him breathing loud I would wake up very quickly to check on him. I also got up a few times to make sure he hadn't pushed his blankets off. I was just so nervous during the night that I thought I was going crazy. It made me wonder if I was going to be that same way when I had my first baby. I think I will. I also felt bad for David who would get startled because of how I would jump out of bed so quickly. I think that I did pretty well considering I returned him in one piece. He didn't cry at all while he was with me but I think that's because he's just a really well behaved child. I felt happy to take care of him. I know that there are so many things to learn about being a mother and I won't really learn them until it happens. After the birth of my youngest brother I really worked on learning how to change diapers, make bottles, and sanitize his things. I knew that it was important for me learn these things and I'm glad I learned them when I had the chance. Now I feel like I'm pretty good at taking care of kids but I do wonder where the line of independence is. When I would baby-sit my brother I wouldn't let him play in a different room than the one I was in. My experience with this two year old was frankly the same, I just couldn't leave the poor kid alone not even for a second. I was afraid that if I blinked he would get hurt. I really hope to change this a bit. I'm just very overprotective. I know I have quite a bit of time left before my children come but I do sit and wonder about the kind of mother I'll be. I don't want to be crazy but I do want to protect my children and well every child. I know there are many dangerous things in this world and well we can never be there to protect our children from everything. I just hope I change a bit because I might just lose my head. Maybe when the time comes I won't be too crazy. Hopefully.
Monday, October 13, 2008
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2 comments:
I am no expert, but here are my thoughts:
I've heard this from others and I think it's true, that just that you are thinking about these things says you'll be a good mother. I have no doubt you will be.
I also think you need to follow your instincts, no matter what others say. You get instincts for a reason, and your instincts are probably specially "crafted" for your personal kids. So if you feel like you need to watch them like that, do.
Personally, I'd rather be overprotective than under. When they are little, they can get into so much, and get hurt so easily if left alone. On anything, it seems like. You never know. Zara's 15 months now and I do have to watch her all day. If she's quiet it's usually b/c she's playing with something super interesting, which is usually something super dangerous.
I am better now with hersleeping, but she didn't sleep through the night for a loooong time, and still doesn't consistently, so when she does sometimes I will get up to check if she's OK. Unabashedly! When she was tiny, I didn't get any sleep anyway, but if I did, I found myself checking her breathing and everything all the time. You hear so many scary things, I just feel like you can't be too safe.
I compare myself to everyone else all the time. But with parenting, I think we all just need to follow our instincts and do what we think is best and trust that and not worry what other people think about it or what they do with their kids. That's WAAAAy easier said than done. I think you're like me with your worrying. I thought about all this stuff a lot before I had kids, and I think about the next kid all the time, when one's not even in the works yet, you know? I try to take one day at a time but again, easier said than done. But hey, you'll worry enough when your kids actually get here, so don't do it yet!! I think you're so sweet.
Thanks Samantha! Its always comforting to hear it from a new mother especially since you've passed through these things recently. I'll definitely remember this when the child bearing time comes. :)
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